Every New Year people make all kinds of resolutions to improve their lives and it’s absolutely fascinating.

I was chatting to a neighbour in town this week.

She was on her way to a dance class and boasting of the new diet she has adopted which she discussed with the fervour of a religious zealot.

Her mouth was actually watering as she described her lunch, which consisted entirely of pulses and rocket leaves washed down with a litre of cold tap water.

I wanted to scream, “No...” but was afraid she may damn me to hell as a non-believer.

Complete loss of sense of humour is a common trait among those adopting new eating habits.

I once sat opposite a vegan in a restaurant who was served my steak in error.

He absolutely refused to pick up the plate and return it to the waiter claiming it was against his principles to touch meat.

When I suggested he probably didn’t have enough strength he went ballistic.

If you should be eating a pie and are challenged by a size zero supermodel with a scowl to cast it aside consider your options very carefully.

Along with excess body weight you may also lose any semblance of humour.

My Uncle Bill smoked 60 cigarettes a day and his New Year’s resolution was to give up eggs.

He seemed to think having a couple of boiled eggs with his toast was bad for his health while clogging up his arteries with massive doses of nicotine passed him by completely.

If you have joined a gym do keep it to yourself until September. Don’t go into work telling everyone how many squat thrusts you’ve done.

No one will be impressed, they’ll be waiting to hear the creative excuses you use when you quit going.

There’s a lot of pressure on women to look like those Photoshopped models in fashion magazines and it’s not good.

Ladies, if you are healthy and happy with yourself but you really feel the need to adopt a New Year’s resolution don’t get a new body...get a new man who appreciates you as you are.



If I have learned anything useful from the whole damn Brexit debate it’s that politicians do not like democracy.

The haughty Kenneth Clarke announced shortly after the Brexit result was announced that he does not believe in public referendums.

Moreover he believes that MPs are not in office to reflect the views of their constituents but to make their own valued judgement on what is best for their constituents.

No one would suggest that we should have a national referendum on every government decision but even on major changes to our constitution Mr Clarke believes the public should be omitted from the process and the decision made entirely by Members of Parliament.

Obviously it’s easier to ‘sell’ a point of view to a group of 650 MPs than it is to 34 million voters but what happens when ‘managing’ MPs becomes too cumbersome?

Surely it’s better to allow party leaders to make major decisions?

And when that becomes inconvenient what comes next?

Mr Clarke clearly believes that the public are too stupid to be involved in constitutional matters, which should be left to him.

If you have any stories for Vic you can email him at vicbarlow@icloud.com.

By Guardian columnist Vic Barlow